Pathetic excuse for a movie! - Die Another Day Reviews

This movie is possibly the worst movie ever made, and not just because it has terrible acting, story, pretty much terrible everything but also because it's a James Bond movie and James Bond movies have always been the pinacle of eveything GOOD in a film. Goldeneye being the last REAL James Bond movie, it boasted all the wonderful aspects of the saga that any great movie lover recognises from the Bond formula in a modern James Bond. Then came the below average Tomorrow Never Dies, then the all-out crap World is not Enough and now this. By this time, any respectable human being can realise that the formula has been lost forever in a hurricane of obssession-with-the-21st-century! However, it's not all bad. Viewers are blessed with a pretty cool hovercraft chase scene (although mainly its compensation to the idiots-decision of having Bond and his comrades impossibly SURF into North Korea on, you guessed it, some kind of super-spy mega surf board)! But then your lost once again as the awful theme-song by Madonna that sounds nothing like a James Bond theme song (more like something you'd hear in a rave/fetish club) and your greeted with what should have been a harrowing and groundbreaking scene of Bond being captured and tortured, although its done so recklessly that the whole thing just seems idiotic and pointless to the movie and its story (which it is)! As expected the film is laden with the kind of crap you watch then just think 'Why? Why did they even consider putting that in?'! Bond comes out of cardiac arrest fit as a flea and escapes from his MI6 hospital boat on his mission of revenge towards his tormenters.He meets the baited-out breasts and mediocre acting skills of Harry Berry (who he f*cks, wow, now thats a script) and, woah, she happens to be a spy too, with exactly the same mission as Bond. Well sh*t me up, if you havn't left the cinema by this time then I recommend it. I won't bore you with details but the story is mostly the same as the past 'modernised' Bond films including a crap villain and a stupid plan that would never actually work and involves no thought or imagination whatsoever, once again, unlike the Bond formula! Another bait giveaway to the downfall of the Bond movies is the first ever serious use of CGI which has got to be the worst part of the film. It looks awful, its not needed, it destroys any possibilty of this ever satisfying your movie urges once you watch a 16-bit Bond surf over the Arctic sea with a wind-surfing contraption he fashioned in mid air out of a sail and the bonnet of a rocket-car (im not lying), it still works though you know?! The torrent of typically crap British actors sours the deal with Pierce Brosnan being the only real-deal (despite a still much worse performance then usual). Bond has now decided to rely on some form of totally ideal, unrealistic gadgetry to escape sticky situations rather then his cunning as was previously a fine point of the older films (although he still needs to use wire-cutters to get through a wire fence). A pathetic joke at the expense of moneypenny. An ice palace. A robot suit. I don't really need to go on. Basically, just use your fiver to go out and buy ANY other classic Bond film on VHS and watch that instead. Dont say i didnt warn you!